These are the S. Files.  Let's begin with #1.


I love when I'm sitting at my desk, browsing the internet, and drinking coffee.  Suddenly, I forget that I'm drinking coffee and leave the mug on the desk.  Twenty minutes later--still browsing--I remember that I had coffee, but I think that the mug is probably empty because I haven't touched it in a while.  I look inside, and to my delight, there is still some coffee left.  Sometimes even half a mug.  And if it's still warm, whoo-ee!

David and I are officially dating.  It's not that we weren't acting like it already, but we decided to give it a name so that we know where we're at.  It's been four months since Chris and I broke up and I moved back home, but it feels like it's been such a long time.  I'm not ready to commit to anything serious.  Who knows when I'll be able to do that.  I personally feel comfortable with the term "dating."  No promise rings, house deeds, talks about kids, or engagement rings involved.  Just companionship and mutual affection.

We're keeping it on the down-low from my extended family.  It seems that the less they know about my personal life, the better.   My parents already know.  They've been calling him my "special friend" for quite some time now--and they love him.

I don't know where this is going, but I think it's about enjoying the moment as it is.

I really, really need some alone time!  Agh!  And I know that technically, I am alone right now.  I mean some extended quality me-time.  Two weeks ago, I went for a one-week trip to Michigan.  Then I spent the last week at Jessica's.  This weekend, I have to work double shifts.  And tonight I got suckered into going to a birthday bonfire at a friend's house.  I love my friends.  I really do.  But I would just like to get away for a while and vegetate in silence.  I think the energy I'm spending on social activities is starting to get to me.

I had a dream last night that I walked into the parking lot of a grocery store, and a committee was giving out awards.  I won the first award.  It was for being the "most psychadelic hippie chick."  I kid you not.  The next person won an award for "best bathroom stall graffiti art."

Yesterday, I went swimming for the first time in two years.  It was one of those above-ground small pools, but I could still swim laps around it.  It was so much fun!  I miss swimming.  I think I was a fish in another life. 

Hopefully not one of those creepy bottom feeders.

I went to Hot Topic yesterday, and they had some clearance corsets.  Granted, even though they were clearance, they were still $20 bucks.  I decided to try two of them on.  They both fit perfectly.  When David went to zip up the other one for me, however, he caught the fabric inside of the zipper.  I had to ask the girl at the store to unzip me!  After several minutes of tugging, it wouldn't budge, so she told me that she would have to cut me out!  She made a little snip in the corset, and the zipper unzipped again.  I thought to myself:   This shirt is cursed.  I shouldn't buy it.  And now it has a cut in the zipper.  Against my better judgment, I purchased it because it was too pretty not to, and they gave me 50% off because she had to cut it!  I mean, it wasn't even her fault, it was David's!  Maybe this shirt isn't cursed after all. 

I wake up this morning and grab the corset to wear for the day.  Then I notice the little tag that was never pulled off.  The plastic button that's full of ink that explodes when you try to pry it off.  Agh!  So, we're going back to the Hot Topic today to have them take off the plastic ink button because I'm too scared to freeze it off or melt it--or whatever it is you can do at home to remove them. 

This corset is probably cursed, but I'm too damn stubborn to give up now!  I'll try to post a picture of it once everything is said and done.  Here's hoping it doesn't catch on fire, melt, or disintegrate spontaneously.

June is Gay Pride Month.  I've come out as bisexual to my closest friends and a few of my family members.  Although they may not understand it, they support me and love me just the same.  I'm so happy to have people like that in my life! 

In honor of the month, I really, really, really want to make rainbow cupcakes like the one posted above!

I didn't take this photos (shew, I'm too lazy for that).  This is my night in pictures!

Picture this: 

Tonight I go into the bathroom to take a shower.  I strip off all my clothes, and as I glance in the mirror, I notice something on my chest.  It's small, round, and grey-brown.  Oh my god.  It's melanoma.  I have cancer!  It's a tumor.  Oh my god.  I lean in to the mirror to get a good look at it.  What the hell?  It's a sunflower seed that had gotten stuck in my bra.  Whatever.  I eat it.

This is my brother with his new kitten, Chase.  He was a free-roaming feline that the vet took in.  He's a little devil!  Attacks EVERYTHING. :)

Tonight, I'm taking a hot shower, sipping a cup of mocha, and stretching my muscles.  Work is going to be so hectic tonight.  There was a mix up with medications, so we have to do some blood tests to make sure the two dogs (both named Daisy) are going to be okay.  After tonight I could use some R&R.

Work is going to be the death of my feet. Ow, ow, ow.

My brother Joe is getting a kitten tomorrow.  He's a tiny orange cat with blue eyes.  The vet we work at found him roaming around outside.  They gave him shots, removed his claws, neutered him, and tested him for diseases.  Originally, Joe wanted to name him Wilson, after the oncologist on House, MD.  The vet technicians laughed and said that he could only have him if he named him Chase--the cute Aussie surgeon on House.  The kitten comes home tomorrow after noon, when Mom comes home from work.  I can't wait!  I wonder how Wootie will deal with him.  She's never had a kitten before.  I'll try to get some pictures of him in the next entry tomorrow.

I'm about to go make this pie.  Tee-hee-hee!

My days lately have been filled with baking, gardening, crocheting, American Idol, and the occasional video game.  Sans-video game, if you didn't know me, you would probably guess that I was a 60-year-old woman--not a 20-year-old.  Each activity I listed is something that I truly like to do, but shouldn't I be livin' it up?  Aren't I supposed to grind my booty on sweaty hot guys at a club and wake up with a hangover the next day?  More realistically, I'm probably supposed to be expanding my brainpower in college, having dorm parties, and waking up with said hangover.  I don't know if it's what I'm supposed to do, but I do know that these scenes don't fit who I am.  So what if I want to crochet and read a book on the balcony?

I think I'm torn between my view of what the average person my age is doing versus what I'm doing.  I'm the kind of person who needs to find out who I truly am before I can commit to years of schooling.  I need to discover my identity and what I want out of my life before I can branch out.  The fledgling is supposed to jump out of the birdsnest and fly, but let's be real.  I'm no fledgling, and I have a medically-induced gimpy wing. 

People learn how to interact with other people at a normal level, make their beds every day, drive to school and to friends' houses, and do something as simple as pump gas before they spread their wings at adulthood.  I had a phobia, I lied in bed all day, I was driven to school, and I didn't have many friends or a car.  My phobia and depression created who I am today, a person independent of the norm.  I think I just need to accept this and spread my wings in my own way, gimpy or not--in my own time.

You Are Yellow

You are bright, vibrant, and cheerful. Your energy can take over a room. You look on the sunny side of life. You are able to avoid stress, anxiety, and burnout. It's hard to get you down, and you've rarely been depressed in your life. You tend to have a clear mind and an unburdened heart. You try to bring as much light as possible into your life.

I try my best to be a cheerful person now.  I can be very energetic.  However, I don't always avoid stress and anxiety.   Living with an anxiety disorder makes it difficult to avoid anxiety at certain times (public places, driving, crossing the street for me).  I have been extremely depressed in my life.  When I was about ten to eighteen, I had severe depression and anxiety.  Now that I've been through therapy and have the right medication and tools to handle it, I'm a much happier, brighter person!

Despite a few inaccuracies, I'm definitely yellow!  I have let go of the darkness I experienced in my youth, and now I live every day with a smile (even through the bad ones, there's some kind of crooked little smile there).

I have a pimptastic lava lamp on my desk now.  I've had it since I was 12 or 13, but it's been in the garage since I moved to Wisconsin at 17.  This picture isn't the actual lamp, but it's the exact kind of lamp and exact colors.  I can't stop gushing over how amazingly hippie it is.